It’s none of your business what other people think about you

It’s so easy to see the flaws in others and some people are really vocal about pointing them out. My mama always said, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.” Ok, so maybe when I say “my mama” I mean me, but whatever.

My child is stubborn. My employee is lazy. My manager does not care about my growth. My wife is high-strung. My neighbor is so rude. My coworker is a jerk. My husband does not care.

We talk about it like it’s a well known fact, but it’s our interpretation of people and when we plug it into a model we see what’s really happening when we think about these things.

Remember the CTFAR model shows us what we are creating and also teaches how to create whatever we want. Circumstances are neutral facts. We have Thoughts about those facts that create our Feelings which drive our Actions that create our Results.

C – I have a child
T – They are stubborn
F – Furious
A – Yell, ignore them, threaten them
R – I’m stubborn (I mirror their actions and try to one up them)

C – I have an employee
T – They are so lazy
F – Frustrated
A – Try to avoid them, don’t give them key projects, dread meetings with them
R – I’m a lazy manager (I’m not having the hard conversation and communicating clear job expectations)

C – I have a manager
T – They don’t care about my growth
F – Powerless
A – I don’t give it my all. I don’t look for ways to improve my work. I do the minimum required.
R – I don’t care about my growth (I’m leaving my growth up to my manager)

You get the point. Whatever you put in the Thought line about someone else is always what you prove true about yourself.

This is why, it really is none of your business what other people think about you. Because what they think about you is actually what they think about themselves. This goes for the good and the bad. I’m not saying you should not give compliments or accept them, but know they think you are amazing because they are amazing.

What IS your business is how you feel about yourself. You are 100% amazing because you are a human. It has nothing to do with your weight, or job, or what you have done. You are of infinite value because all humans are, even the jerks you work with. Like I said, it’s none of your business what other people think about you.

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Lindsay Lyman Avatar

Hey, I’m Lindsay Lyman

I spent the last 11 years growing my career at one of the largest tech companies in the world. I’ve built teams, launched new products, and created my own jobs. As a certified coach, I teach people how to manage the noise in their head to feel motivated and valued at work again.

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