It’s time to get a new job

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There are times when you choose to stay in a job you hate. Maybe it’s for VISA reasons, or waiting for a stock vesting, or because it’s easier to stay. But for so many others, it’s time to find a new job. If the company and re-orged so many times you’re not doing anything near what you were hired to do, or if you promotion keeps getting dangled in front of you without a clear timeline, or if terrible leaders are tolerated, it might be time. BUT, before you leave, there’s one really important thing to do. Listen in this week and learn more.

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Hey, I’m Lindsay Lyman. I worked almost 12 years at Amazon and saw many brilliant and successful overachievers burn themselves out and leave their jobs because they’re so stressed and anxious. But guess what? Having a successful career does not have to be at the expense of your mental sanity and personal time. There’s an easier way, and I can show you how. Let’s do this!

 

Hey, y’all! Okay, I think many of you out there are like me in that I have a love-hate relationship with a potluck meal. My church will have a potluck, or the school will, or my friends and I get together and do this. And don’t get me wrong, I love when other people prepare me delicious food, so I kind of love a potluck. I love the concept of it, we all do a little bring it and share it. But I also hate a potluck because I’m very picky on whose food I’m going to eat. So if it’s a potluck with a lot of people, first, I want to know who made what. So like when my church does a potluck, I’m always asking my friends, I’m like, what did you bring? What did you bring? Because I trust their food, I know what their kitchen looks like. Okay, I love people, I love you all. Some of you, I would not eat food out of your kitchen. I’m a bit of a cleaning enthusiast, we’ll call it. If I don’t know what your kitchen looks like, I’m not eating out of it. I would rather go hungry and starve for a long time than eat some sketchy thing that I don’t trust or that’s been sitting out for a long time. Same thing with buffets. Buffets, really, for me, are just a no. Way too risky when it comes to food and what we’re eating and what we’re putting into our body.

 

A lot of us spend so much time around this, whether we have a lot of mental drama over this is good, this is bad, I should be eating this, I shouldn’t be eating that. I’m not going into that conversation today, but we spend a lot of time planning out meals, prepping meals, counting our calories, our macros, trying to figure out what feels good. We’re like obsessively track things, we decide, do I want to eat this? How’s it going to make me feel later today? We spend a lot of time and energy thinking about food because it’s an important part of our day and what keeps our body going.

 

Okay, but I want you to contrast that, and I want you to ask yourself, how much of your time and mental energy have you spent lately deciding what you want out of work and if you actually want your job? I work with people all day, every day, who are struggling at work, and I want to say something. Okay, for many of you, it’s time to go find a new job. Now, I know this can come off as coming from a place of privilege, because there are certain situations where you can’t go and get a new job for various different reasons, so I’m not trying to diminish that at all. There are times when we choose to stay in a job we hate and we’re miserable with and we’re not being treated with respect and our leaders are terrible for other outside reasons, and I’m all in for that.

 

But I kind of think of it going back to this food analogy of like, there’s also been times when I’ve gone to someone’s house and I don’t want to be rude, so I will eat something or try something because I don’t want to offend them. Maybe it’s something cultural that’s very important to them or something they worked really hard on making. I will choose to eat the thing even though it’s gross and I don’t like it, but I like my reason for doing it. Okay, so there are times when we decide, no, I’m going to stay in this job because it pays me a lot of money and I don’t want to go find something else right now. I’m going to stay in this job because I know how to play the game and I’ve got this other thing going on in my life I need to focus on. I’m going to stay in this job because it gives me certain visa opportunities that I’m working towards, right, in my citizenship, whatever the reason is, that’s okay. So I don’t want this message to come across as like, oh, everyone can just go find a new job. I’m not saying that at all. But what I want you to acknowledge is you don’t have to stay. You’re choosing to stay, just like you don’t have to eat the food at that person’s house, but you’re choosing to, and you like your reasons why. But for a lot of you guys, it’s time to go find a new job.

 

So many of us are dragging ourselves through the day. Like, you’re dreading getting up in the morning. It’s not just like the Sunday night scaries where you start thinking about the week and you get depressed. I mean, this is like all the time. Maybe, like, the Sunday scaries are starting to happen on Saturday, you’re not even at work and already you’re dreading it, you hate it. Maybe you find that this company isn’t what it used to be or isn’t what you thought it was going to be when you joined or they’ve reorg’d and restructured so many times you’re not even working anywhere near with the people you wanted to, let alone the leaders you wanted to, let alone the things you came to actually do. Take a step back and decide, do I want this job? If you’re not being respected, if you’re not being appreciated, if you’re not being paid what you should and your promotion keeps getting dangled in front of you like a carrot over and over and over again, if your leaders are terrible and immature and using shame tactics and trying to get as much out of you as they can and not caring about you as a human, guess what? It might be time to go get a new job.

 

I want to offer to you to stop complaining. It does nothing but make you feel terrible. Stop trying to get others to justify why you hate your job. You’re allowed to. Stop having higher standards for what you eat daily than how you’re spending the majority of your day. Stop. There’s a movie my kids loved when they were little that this really makes me think of, called “A Bug’s Life” by Pixar. It’s a pretty great movie if you haven’t seen it, where essentially there’s these colonies of ants that are spending all of their time trying to prepare for the winter, and they’re trying to gather enough food for them as a colony to survive, and they also have to gather enough food for the grasshoppers because these grasshoppers come and attack the ant colony if they don’t supply food for the grasshoppers for the winter, okay? So it’s the story of this ant that goes on and he tries to create things and he does things outside of the box and there’s some things that happen. So as you’re going through the movie, these ants are working ridiculously hard, doing crazy things because they’re so afraid, they’re so scared of the Grasshoppers coming and what the ants realize in the end is the Grasshoppers actually don’t have any power over us.

 

If we don’t feed them, they will starve and die. Not only that, but what they really come to realize in the end is there are ten times more of them, more of the ants than there are of the grasshoppers. And the ants realize they have all the control, they have all the power, and they finally push back and they say, “No, grasshoppers, we’re not feeding you anymore. You got to collect your own food. We’re collecting our own, and then we’re going to go and enjoy life and be ants.”

 

I want you to think of it in the same terms as your work environment. So many of us are staying stuck and staying in these jobs because we’re so scared and afraid that we’re not going to be able to find a new job, or we’re not going to be able to get paid what we want to get paid, we’re going to get the promotion, we’re not going to have the work flexibility that we want. But guess what? So many of us are in the same situation where we are the ants. The way we stop tolerating and allowing these companies to have these emotionally immature leaders and toxic cultures is we realize we are the ones doing the work, and there’s more of us than them.

 

I’m not promoting violence. I’m not saying we go and do crazy, ridiculous things. But guess what? If enough people start leaving, leaders start noticing and start paying attention. If companies get a bad enough reputation, people won’t work for them, and they have to start treating their employees better and paying them better and providing more benefits.

 

What happens when we just stay in these cultures that we believe are toxic and terrible? We’re not helping the solution, and we’re just making ourselves miserable along the way. Because here’s the truth: There are other jobs. There really are. I know so many of you out there are saying, like, “It’s so hard right now, things are scary, I don’t want to leave this job, at least I have a job.” This is completely fear-based. This is like the ants saying, “I’ll just provide food for the grasshopper, and it’ll be fine, and I’ll just work crazy hours, and it’s better than the potential outcome.” No, it’s not. You have all the control, you have all the power, you are brilliant at what you do, you deserve respect, you deserve to be properly paid for the value you add. Stop letting these companies steal from you, stop letting them pay you for 40 hours but expect you to work 80. There are jobs out there, there are thousands of you, they will pay you what you are worth, you can make it work.

 

But just like the ants in this movie, it won’t happen until you have a shift internally to realize and have the self-confidence to say, “No, I deserve better, I respect myself enough, I’m going to make something work.” But before you leave and go find that job, here’s what I think is crucial: You have to learn how to have that turning point and build that self-confidence in yourself to say, “Enough, I’m choosing me, I respect myself enough, and I deserve to work in an environment where I am respected and paid for what I bring to the table, I’m going to go find it.”

 

You need to leave from a good place. If you leave ’cause you’re running away and you’re so burnt out and you’re so freaked out and you’re so scared and you just have to get out at any cost, if you don’t have that self-confidence, guess what? There’s no job that’s 100% amazing, chances are that next company, they’re going to reorg again, most companies do, your job will shift and change, that’s how the work environment is these days. But when you know how to have the self-confidence to deal with it and know, “Okay, I’ve gotten what I need out of this, it’s time for the next thing,” that’s when it’s time for you to go.

 

You want to leave from a good place, just like I encourage you to stay from a good place, like your reason for staying and stop complaining, remind your brain, “No, I’m choosing to stay for this visa, no, I’m choosing to stay to get this stock vesting, no, I’m choosing to stay for this promotion that’s coming on this date,” and you work towards those and you like your reason for staying, and then you go when the time is right.

 

I love all my clients, you guys, I really do, but there’s a handful of them that are so frustrated because they’ve been promised promotions and they’re not happening, and so much of it has nothing to do with them and it’s completely out of their control, managers have changed, people have left the company, they’ve reorged, they’ve been on freezes where no one’s getting increases, right? But they just keep getting this promo dangled in front of them, and I’m like, “Go get a new job.”

 

I’ll put a link in the show notes, but as I was researching for this podcast, I found this article in Forbes that was talking about it’s actually easier to get a pay increase by changing jobs than staying at your same job. This article was published in 2002, so it’s a few years old, and they were diving into data during the pandemic. But it was interesting to me, it said during the second years of the pandemic, half of the workers who changed jobs saw their pay increase 9.7%, so almost 10%, by getting a different job. Why? The median worker who stayed in that same job experienced a loss of 1.7%. Right? Inflation is going up at a high rate. If your company isn’t at least matching that inflation, if they’re not giving any increases, you’re literally taking a pay cut. Don’t be okay with that, go get a new job, you deserve it, you’re amazing.

 

But leave from that place of, you know what, I deserve to be paid for the value I’m adding, I’m going to go find a job that’s going to pay me that. Don’t leave because you’re angry and mad and ticked off and this place is never going to get it and they don’t deserve me, that you’re going to take that anger and frustration and resentment with you to your next job and it’s going to show up again, you got to learn to deal with it and process it and go find the new job from a place of self-confidence, from a place of this is what I do, from a place of I can find a job no matter what the job market is, I’m not in a rush, I have a job today and I like my reasons for going to look for a new job, I know what I deserve to be paid, I respect myself enough to find a way to make that happen.

 

So if you find yourself stuck in this situation, my challenge to you is you’ve got to shift from a place of confidence, which is based on what you’ve been able to produce, what outcome you have had, things you’ve created in the past, and you’ve got to shift to a place of self-confidence, which is a belief in you, it’s a belief in your ability to figure it out. We’re not desperate and need to control and make sure we get that outcome. We’re 100% invested in believing we can make something work. We think it may be this way, we think it might be with this company, we think it might be down this path, but we don’t know. But we will find a way to make it work.

 

When that’s the space you’re operating from, you’re so much more likely to get it because you’re willing to walk away and let go of those opportunities that aren’t getting you what you want. So much faster. If your manager’s been talking to you for a promotion for a year, year and a half, two years, guess what? Their actions are language. They’re telling you very clearly, “I will keep telling you what you want and I’ll keep trying, but it may not actually happen.” Guess what? It hasn’t happened yet. Respect yourself enough to walk away and go find a company that will pay you that. I promise you, they’re out there.

 

Even just start looking. Don’t tell yourself there’s no jobs, this is so hard, when you haven’t even tried. We need to start sending a message to these companies, this is not okay. One of the ways we can do that and feel like a good human along the way is to stand up for yourself and go figure it out and let that company stay and deal with the consequences of their choice not to promote you.

 

When we all rise together and stand up together and say, “No more, we will not tolerate this type of leader in our company, we are leaving,” this is when companies will start to listen. Go be the ants in A Bug’s Life. We don’t need to be afraid of the grasshoppers. There are more opportunities out there than you could ever imagine. Stop waiting around to get paid what you deserve, to get that promotion that you’ve been promised, to get a good leader, to find a mentor that’s going to support you, and go make it happen. It’s the best possible way for it to come even faster.

 

Alright, y’all, you’re amazing, you got this, we’ll talk soon. If what you’re learning from this podcast is helping, this is just the beginning. Each week, I offer a limited number of coffee chats so that you and I can connect one-on-one and talk specifically about what’s going on for you. You’ll leave this call feeling more hopeful and motivated, but I’m also going to teach you a few things to try right away to get unstuck. Space is very limited and these are free, so grab your spot before they’re gone. Click the link in the show notes or go to lindsaylymancoaching.com/chat and sign up today. You got this.

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Hey, I’m Lindsay Lyman

I spent the last ~12 years growing my career at Amazon. I’ve built teams, launched new products, and created my own jobs. As a certified coach, I teach people how to manage the noise in their head to feel motivated and valued at work again.

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