What you look for is what you will find

Listen on:

I worked with some amazing people that have taught me so much and become true friends. I’ve worked with some people that love the drama and politics. I’ve also worked with people that I’m pretty sure are completely miserable because they are pretty miserable to work with.

I don’t think this is unique to my employer. I’m pretty sure you could find similar groups of people at any company, church group, neighborhood, community, etc.

As someone who’s obsessed with self help, I’m constantly evaluating why I separate people into the “good” or “bad” bucket and what I’ve learned is it all boils down to me. Sounds pretty selfish right…hold on.

My first manager was amazing. He made me feel safe asking dumb questions, taught but did not tell me how to do thing, and had an amazing way of making things fun even when they were super stressful. I’ll never forget the day we were on revision 723 of a business document and about to lose our minds when he started emailing me memes from the Facebook group “classy ladies who say F a lot.” We both cried laughing so hard multiple times. I even followed him to a different team because I wanted him to stay my manager.

Then there’s the coworker who’s lived an extremely privileged life and never had a true want. He came to me after an employee (that neither of us knew) tried to commit suicide saying he hoped the company did not have to pay for their medical bills because the person should have know better. Yes, the multi-billion dollar company should not pay for the human being that was struggling so much they thought the best option was to die.

So how does this all boil down to me? My views on these people had everything to do with my thoughts about them. They are just people. They are not good or bad, they are just people. I am the one that thinks differently about both of them.

My first manager ended up leaving the company and dealing with some pretty big personal things that most people would take issue with, yet I only saw the good things I liked about him.

My coworker spends a lot of time and money volunteering with the homeless, but I only saw his privilege.

I’m not saying I will ever agree with my coworker’s stance because I choose to believe love is ALWAYS the right answer, but what I do take ownership of is my feelings about him. I’m the one choosing to think he was despicable for siding with the company versus a person. I own that choice and want to hold onto it, but he is just a neutral person. I can chose to see the good or the bad in him. It’s all up to me.

Moral of the story, what you tell you brain to look for is what you will see. If you believe people are drama and into politics, you will find proof of it. So if you can choose, why would you not choose to see love in everyone? It’s not always an easy thing, but I promise you it is possible.

Want help applying this to your specific situation? Sign up for free coaching here.

3 Steps to Deal with a Bad Manager - Free Workshop

Bad leaders cause a lot of churn, constant changes in priorities kill your timelines, and the anxiety from the next unknown escalation is not sustainable.

Learn the proven 3 steps to deal with a bad manager. 

Share this post

Hey, I’m Lindsay Lyman

I spent the last ~12 years growing my career at Amazon. I’ve built teams, launched new products, and created my own jobs. As a certified coach, I teach people how to manage the noise in their head to feel motivated and valued at work again.

Enter your info to get the 3 Steps to Deal With A Bad Manager free workshop

Please read my privacy policy to see I take your privacy seriously.